Here to process my big feelings (again)

I have a lot of thoughts that I want to share on my close friends' list but I feel conscious of spreading negativitea so I shall process a lil here since there is lesser traffic here

I don't want to turn this blog into a rant though haiz (I don't even remember when was the last time I felt the need to rant) so my goals for this post (and perhaps the next of its kind) is to clarify, seek possibilities, and stay accountable

4 days in and every time I think or talk about my work-life my tears just come out, this is the part where I worry for my mental health HAHA I am hesitant to the excited question "hows your work" even when my friends show interest and curiosity. Now I'm guessing subconsciously I might have been trying to avoid confronting this side of myself 

Ok I started this article thinking that I am finally ready to talk about it

But it seems that Im not yet ready ahhh

Nevertheless, here is my attempt:

Worklife is threatening my faith in humanity and trust in and love for the world.

I miss a simpler life. With simpler (?) / genuine people with common drive and motivation

It is challenging to be in an environment that I do not align with - I don't feel supported to practice what I preach and I feel like a hypocrite

The teacher identity I've built and was eager to unleash is quivering and I am incredibly afraid that I will lose myself in the process. I feel that I've learned and grown a lot (professionally & personally) the past 4 years and I am afraid that another 4 years (or a week) is all it takes to crumble my outlook on life & my role as an educator

My sister said I have put too much trust in the world and the people I've met. Opps?

I guess these 4 years will be a challenge to my teacher identity and faith in humanity - the present goal is to survive. Only when I survive can I do life with grace