Growing ❀

        I looked back at my first post on this blog a year ago, and discovered how my perspectives on certain issues have evolved since then. 

        First of all, I feel like I have gotten more comfortable with the decision I have made for myself. From someone who consciously avoids posting things that scream suss/ece on my ig, I have grown to discover my increasing desire to share my learning & moments in uni. It sounds like an unusual theory, but I guess such an interaction with ig symbolizes increasing self-acceptance. I also realize that I have started to sound less apologetic and a lot more comfortable and confident when non-suss ppl inquired about my school & course. Although at times, I could not help but feel hurt by the numerous responses that align ece to "babysitting", or it is a "brainless task" HAHA (#fragileheart). Looking back, I've actually gone along with people who remarked that ece is an "easy job that all mothers will eventually learn". That was simply because I didn't really feel the need to be all defensive and what not. (Once again, let me emphasize that such perspectives on this career have to be broadened yo.) Yes, I might sound biased here (and I am certainly biased), but I guess this reflects the pride I have found in this decision. 

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        The list of misconceptions people have about ece/child development goes on, and I admit to having some of them before I entered the course as well. Looking back at the essays I have written for different ece related applications, I discover how myopic my image of the child was in the past! My childhood experiences and the education system I was in had influenced me to view that children are 'blank slates', and the role of the adults is to paint on their empty canvas as well as transmit knowledge to them. The past year has encouraged me to reflect on how the constructivist education views all children as "curious, capable, and competent meaning-makers" regardless of their backgrounds. Children should not be passive recipients of knowledge; they should be given ample time and opportunities for self-discoveries, and be treated with utmost respect right from infancy. This helped me become conscious of how most parenting styles mirror the circumstances parents grew up with. People tend to raise their children the same way as how they were raised by their parents, thinking that those were the methods that 'worked' on themselves. Hence, the past one year has renewed my vision and goals for myself as an educator. Not only do I want to be an effective facilitator and role model for the children, I also want to be the secure base for the children to turn to. I want to encourage my children to take calculated risks and share their curiosity as I learn alongside them.

        In the past one year, not only did I learn cool things such as early math and science (physics, chem, bio) and social studies (eg. social justice & responsibility), I also had a very valuable experience in field practicum!! I simply love how encouraging it is to be able to apply the theories I learn in school in the real-world context. There were many opportunities for me to learn from inspiring and nurturing teachers through working together, valuable conversations, and close observations as well :). I had the chance to conduct small lessons (fine motor skills of palmar & pincer grasp with toddlers, and morning circle time with nursery) and many many book-reading sessions with the children (i love children literature! and i can't emphasize how i serious i am when i choose the books i want to read to the children). Practicum has given me a peek at the reality of working in an ec setting, and I have to agree that it is not an easy task. I still remember my clumsy fingers and insecurity with diapers during my first few times working with the toddlers, as well as my great dip of morale just because of my incompetency in classroom management that had resulted in a "naptime party"-->[children who were not interested in sleeping left their mattresses, and disturbed other friends who are sleeping (#anotherfragileheart HAHAHA :'))]. Classroom management is certainly one of the many aspects I still have to work on! Unfortunately, many practicum sessions had been affected by covid :( and I was (& am) also rather worried that I might implicate the children/so many ppl in the centre due to my higher risk of contracting the virus. I will be posted to a new centre the next school year (if all goes well), and I am quite excited to develop greater insights about working with different children and teachers and systems! I feel that the proximity of my placement to my house doesn't matter to me anymore, what is truly important is the learning :)

        I also realized that ece is not all about mainstream vs special needs children. Every child (and individual) is special, and we all have our unique needs. This includes families, parents, teachers, you, and me. The more important thing is to create an inclusive early childhood setting that takes into account of the developmental and socio-cultural needs of individuals and help every child and their family feel a sense of belonging to the school and be secured when they collaborate with me. Since trying to adjust my/centre beliefs/practices to every demand of different families can be challenging (and impractical), I feel that the foundation to a quality ece experience ultimately boils down to being inclusive through effective communication, and positive relationship building among the different stakeholders. 

        I had a module on advocating for children, and the question posed to us was to think of what we want to advocate for. I would say as of now, I really see great importance in an anti-bias (inclusive) education (of not leaving behind any child/family who are different/less advantaged)!!! I hope to look into the social studies (focusing on the child, his/her environment, social justice & responsibility) to see what I can do better to advocate for this belief ♡

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        A common question I get from people is whether I regretted going jc. Initially, my answer was "yes"; because I knew I will never apply most of the theories learnt in jc into ece. Like, how are the tuition fees I paid with my savings in hopes of better grades or all the sweat and tears I poured into working for alvl econs/math even be relevant now that I'm here? (well, maybe if I head into the business side of ece #facts). I replied "yes" because I knew that the past 2 years in jc could be better spent learning about things related to ece since it was a sustained interest that brought me here. Doing so could have enabled me to gain valuable experiences and insights and skills about being in the field (just like some of my talented uni coursemates!!!). 

        Yet, my perspectives actually evolved after hearing this qn for the nth time. I start to wonder: How sure am I that I would certainly enjoy ece if I join the field right after sec school? Would I even continue pursuing ece after diploma? These are the questions I would never know the answers to. Ny was my dream jc, and ece was my dream course. I placed them as my first two choices respectively, (and secretly hoping I could get rejected by ny) HAHA. And I ranked ny before ece simply because of the self-doubt that had been nailed in me for ages: What if I regret my choice of a niche diploma? Wouldn't there be no turning back?

        Come to think of it, jc was a blessing in disguise. It was a place that I met many nice people, heard different stories and experiences, and had many opportunities to challenge my comfort zones during my time there and after I graduated. Although I witnessed interesting dramas that happened among my classmates, the experience had led me to reflect deeper about my views on life, and it gave me the chance to meet a precious friend near the fence I was trying very hard to give a solid foundation to ᕙ( • ‿ • )ᕗ. 

        I would never know if life would be better or worse if I had entered poly to pursue what I had always wanted then, or how life would be different if I had chosen a different uni course. All I'm glad is that I had made this decision for myself, and I believe I'm the only one who can control what I do and I shall be accountable for my own life. Allowing myself to take on this path will eliminate the day when I regret not doing so. Of course, this does not rule out the possibility that I might regret this decision in the future as well (since the future is an unknown #duh). 

        In fact, I truly believe that it does not matter whether we come from a poly or jc, or have worked in a totally different industry. What matters is the fact that we all got to the same place, with whatever intentions we have in mind! :)

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        I appreciate the ppl who had cast (and are still casting) doubts on me for the decision I've made as a 18+ years old, because they helped (and are still helping) me to acknowledge that this is indeed the decision I've made for myself---as an individual. Their words remind me to reflect on this decision, and reaffirm my intentions of entering the course ❀

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        Balancing school work/commitment & practicum & various volunteering projects & translation (& the innate passion to procrastinate!!!) is not easy (and translation has been there to collect dust for quite a while). But I have to say I really treasure everything I have now, and will continue to work for it :)

        I truly appreciate my uni friends for showing me both the joy and struggles of doing what we do, and I am also beyond grateful to everybody one who were there to understand my thoughts/feelings/concerns/insecurities ♡ Thank you all for believing in me, and rejoicing with me :)

Here is a quote I resonate with: